Life (so far) lessons

Say hello to my new look newsletter, Things that make my heart sing!

Say hello to my new look newsletter, Things that make my heart sing! I’ve moved over to Substack (a new platform) so that I can bring recipes, news and tips to you in a more immediate, real-time way, a bit like a not-so-secret diary. You and I love flowing with the seasons (with what we eat, getting out in nature or how we spend our time) so it feels right for the newsletter to also flow with the seasons.

I know lots of us feel that instagram has changed, so my hope for Things that make my heart sing is that I can share things with you that I don’t share on instagram, including mental health, my fertility journey, climate conversations and more. Using Substack also means you can all share your tips, tricks and thoughts with me and each other in the comments section.

I’m planning to send this newsletter a few Wednesdays a month and when something comes up that I’m bursting to share with you, they’ll be an extra one in between. That’s the plan but we’ll see how it goes!

You don’t need to do anything - the magic of the internet has moved you over here automatically as a free subscriber. But if you would like to upgrade to a paid subscription, I’m offering the following exclusive extra content each month:

• One brand new recipe

• TWO of the following:

  - recommendations (restaurants, food, travel, reading)
  - kitchen playlists
  - special discounts and bonus deals for brands I use every day
  - first chance to book events
  - nosy deep dives into my home (bathroom cabinets, tried and tested products, sustainable swaps etc)
  - notes from my kitchen
  - Q&A with me (ask me anything!)
  - conversations with people I love that I know you’ll be excited to hear from too

The paid subscription is £4/month (less than £1/week) or £40/year (equivalent to £3.33/month). You can pause or cancel your subscription at any time.

I’d really love to hear what you’d like to receive in your inboxes so please let me know in the comments below. Now onto this week’s newsletter!

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LIFE (SO FAR ) LESSONS: 37 THINGS I’VE LEARNT BY MY 37TH BIRTHDAY”

I wrote this last week while in Cornwall where I celebrated the start of my 37th trip around the sun.  I thought it would be fun and cathartic to think of some things that have gone right for me amongst the ‘gone wrongs’ over the years! And as I’m a Virgo and us Virgoes love lists, here’s a long list. Be thankful I’m not turning 74 as it would be twice as long!

This is the first birthday I can remember when I didn’t cry. Lots of you told me you cry too or feel sad around your birthday. This year, for the first time ever, I did exactly what I wanted to do, exactly what felt good to me.  All I wanted was to be with Henry and Nelly (our staffy). My birthday brief was - nowhere to be, no one to see, nothing to do (apart from a walk, a soak in the bath and a favourite, easy to make dinner). The day rolled by beautifully as I ‘did my birthday’ for me, not for anyone else.

As Mary Oliver, by way of my friend Sarah Wilson, says it is your ‘one wild and precious life’.

Many of these life (so far) lessons are the inspiration for my future newsletters so stay tuned each month.

1. Ask my body what it needs - A nap? A cry? A drink of water? A snack? Air? Actual human contact? A lovely big hug? Then give it!

2. The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea - The greatest quote from Isak Dinesen. I love this reminder to cry, to sweat and to get in water.

3. Make a Brag Folder  - Especially for those of us who struggle with self confidence…screenshot or file complimentary emails in your phone or in a folder in your inbox. Whenever you need a boost, look at them, soak them up, try your best to believe them!

4. Leave room in your diary for the magic to happen - As someone who has previously been an overscheduler, forever chasing my tail, this year especially, I’ve set my sights lower and slower. And god it feels goood. There’s less in my diary, less on my To Do list and with it, nice chunky bits of time, free weekends (wow a free weekend you say!?), space for spontaneity and moments for magic. 

5. If in doubt, walk it out - I guess as you’re here, you know I am in love with a daily walk, whether it’s a solid hour in the park or even a few micro walks around the block throughout the day. I massively feel the difference when I don’t get outside and I don’t move my body. I know lots of us make a date walking with friends, and more and more people are scheduling ‘walk and talk’ meetings which is a genius move! 

6. Mark the end of the working day - I love a ritual. When the ‘working day’ is done, I put my worky bits away and do something to underline the change - whether that’s having a shower, a walk, changing my jumper, lighting a candle or using an essential oil in a diffuser to signal the difference. When I’m really worried and don’t want to let go of something, I say out loud ‘I have done what I could for today’. 

7. Team 10pm - Going to bed at the same time each night, for me it’s 10pm, even if I get a second wind of energy, is one of the best things I do for myself each day.  It took me a few weeks to stop resisting it, I had to set an alarm at 10pm to remind me to go to bed.

8. Embrace Granny dinners - Eating around 6-7pm helps me digest better before bedtime and I’m convinced it’s helping me sleep more deeply too.

9. Waking up with the sun and getting my face outside for morning light, even when there is little, sets me up for the day. Even better is trying as much as possible to not be seduced by social media, news and emails first thing. They can wait, they can ALWAYS wait. 

10. Hydrate before you caffeinate - I try to always keep a (big) glass of water next to my bed and working space so that I remember to do this. 

11. Share your spare - Sharing is both caring and stress relieving. Too much stuff adds stress. It’s another thing to dust, worry about, maintain. If you don’t have spare but need a change, switching and swapping clothes, books, cookbooks etc can get us out of a funk and feel that rush of the new and exciting without spending or over consuming.

12. A box of joy - Having said that, keep an old box for special cards, photos, momentos. I never ever regret opening that box back up. Maybe you keep a drawer of joy? Better a drawer of joy than a drawer of doom where everyone shoves stuff they don’t know where else to put.

13. Laptop free lunches -  I’ve learnt that working while I eat is a false time economy. If I eat and dash or eat while stressed, my gut and mood suffer and my anxiety flares. We’re all so busy and many of us rarely get a significant lunch break but when I do stop for 15 minutes to sit down and chew, my afternoon is calmer and more fruitful. Every chew counts! 

14. Rethink networking as ‘conversations with purpose’ - The word “networking” freaks me out a bit so I like this rebranding of it. As a self-employed and sometimes socially anxious person, being a bit braver is an important and useful tool.

15. Flex your OUT OF OFFICE all year round, not just when it’s your annual holiday or a sick day. Do it whenever you feel you need to. I know people who only check emails once a day or at 9am and 2pm; I wish I could be that disciplined, I’m working on it. 

16. DIY Comfort basket - I have an old beach bag (use a big tote bag or a box), and it stores my cosiest cardigan, thickest socks, a hot water bottle, a Harry Potter, a relaxing spray and a few other bits (chocolate bars, a gorgeous thick cream, anything that makes me happier and cosier basically).

17. Shake it out - When you need to shift your energy, take 30 seconds (ideally a song’s worth of time) to move your body, shake your hands, feet, limbs, yell into a pillow and move around. Sometimes I do it to a perky ABBA song, sometimes I headbang and rage to Nirvana. (Thanks Donna Lancaster* for this life long life changing tip)

18. Change up my home screens - Regularly deleting and moving social media apps from my phone Home Screen so that I have to scroll or swipe to find them has been a game changer for me in reducing my screen time and wasted doom scrolling time. I keep apps that nourish me like meditations, soundscapes, identify that plant or bird song (!) etc on my home page.

19. Eat the frog - This really works for me: whatever I’m dreading the most, I do it first thing instead of worrying about it all day. The sense of relief is immense! Especially if you suffer from feelings of anticipatory anxiety. 

20. Decision fatigue - I write my To Do list at the end of every day before the next day.  It helps me prioritise the next day and helps me close the day that was. Rather than write an endless list in no helpful order I remember to ask myself these 4 questions: Is it ugrent and important? Is it urgent but not important? Is it not urgent but important? Is it not urgent and not important? I’ve given myself a headache just writing that out! Basically I ask myself, what needs to happen today and where can I give myself a break and rollover to tomorrow.

21. REST is best - We don’t need to earn rest. We can’t bank on sleep at weekends and holidays. It doesn’t work like that unfortunately. As my Mum always said to me as a child even if you can’t nap or sleep, “just close your eyes for a little while and see how good it feels”

22. Listen to your intuition -  If it’s not a HELL YES, it’s a HELL NO.  

23. Get to know your gut - Our guts are totally unique, even identical twins have different gut microbiomes. You’ve probably heard the gut is the second brain and our gut and brain share an incredibly powerful two-way highway connection. Many of us suffer from gut issues, big and small, and I know lots of us are increasingly interested in the relationship between food and mood (which inspired my FEEL GOOD book). More on mood and food later this year. 

24. Forgive others (for myself), forgive myself (for myself) - More on this soon. “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”~ Nelson Mandela.

25. Moon manifestations - Bear with me if this makes you cringe. Every full moon, Henry and I write down 3 things we hope for in the next month. We write them on the back of an old evenleple and put it outside (or on a window ledge) and leave it for the full moon. It’s such a great thing to do with someone you love or just for yourself. No need to wait for a full moon though. Write out your heart’s desires right now!

26. Batch cooking makes the best gift - It’s a great gift for me and my loved ones. I make a double batch of my favourite comfort food to pop in the freezer or the fridge when I know a busy time is coming up as I know my future self will thank me for it. Making a few extra portions and sharing with a colleague / friend / neighbour who is going through it, will always be oh so appreciated.

27. Write a letter to my future self - Speaking of future me - check out this website https://www.futureme.org/  What’s better than writing a letter? Receiving one? Doing this is a win win. Write a letter to arrive in your inbox on your birthday or scribble one for this time next year or maybe schedule one to come on 1st January when you have a feeling you’ll be giving yourself a hard time?

28. Feel Good Favourites - Keep a list of your favourite feel good films, songs, you tube videos, poems, books etc. If you’re anything like me, when you feel incredibly low or stressed, you’ll forget what makes you feel a bit happier. 

29. Joy snatching - Have you heard of the three thieves of joy - comparison, judgement, expectation. Hands up if you relate to this one?  I can think of hundreds of joy stealers, but when boiled down, they all come back to these three.

30.  If you know how to worry, you know how to meditate (love this quote by Joyce Meyer). I started meditating about 14 years ago. I’ve fallen off the wagon many many many many times. I used to get fed up with myself for not meditating for 20 minutes a day, twice a day, until I realised HELLO! I shall not use meditation as another stick to beat myself up with. Instead I try to make time and space to meditate, sometimes it’s 5 minutes, sometimes it’s 20, sometimes it’s every day, sometimes a week goes by. Either way, I’ve learnt. Meditating when I can is worth it. Beating myself up when I don’t meditate is not worth it.  

31. Breathe like you mean it - Every year, I write myself the same goals. One of them is to slow down. When the pandemic started and my panic attacks and anxiety flares became intolerably awful, I started to relearn how to properly breathe and breathing has, in turn, helped me slow down. 

32. Play - Cartwheels, colouring, games, bad jokes, pranks, fart cushions, duvet dens, splish splashing in puddles, leaf kicking, merrily dancing, singing. Do everything you did or always wish you’d done as a child. 

33. Fake laugh - When I’m feeling overwhelmed (often) or on the way to hysteria, I will hahahaahhaha heeeeee haaaaa hhaaa. By that I mean, I will start fake laughing ‘ha hahaha haha’ and before I know it, it feels so funny, I feel so brilliantly silly, that I laugh for real. It breaks the stress circuit for a minute and helps me reset. Try it.

34. The “I appreciate game’ also known as an appreciation rampage - It transforms my mood to focus for a few minutes on what is going right rather than wrong. eg I appreciate this cup of tea (it’s gone cold but it’s still delicious). I appreciate my laptop working so I can write this and share it with you. I appreciate YOU being part of this community. I appreciate Florence who is better at tech stuff and uploads this for me. I appreciate the roasted tomato and squash soup that is defrosting on the kitchen counter and is going to be my lunch. I appreciate past me who remembered to freeze a portion for future me. I appreciate that the weather app says the rain will stop in a bit so I can go for a walk. I appreciate Classic FM as the music is relaxing my frazzled nerves today. I appreciate the driver who just dropped off my veg box. I appreciate the farmers and workers who grew and picked this delicious veg etc etc. Sometimes I play the appreciation game as I’m brushing my teeth or getting on the tube or sitting on the loo. Whatever works for you! 

35. Letting them go - Relationships come and go. But being betrayed is one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s almost certainly not you, it’s them. We can spend a lifetime trying to work out why they did it, why you etc but we will never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head or heart. Writing a letter to them, you need never send it, and then burning it to release it can help ease the hurt and help us move on. 

36. Do something for nothing - Volunteering in our communities, helping out in our neighbourhoods, mentoring a young person, donating to our local food bank or joining a monthly litter pick in the park. Positive actions like this make the world a vastly better place for all of us.

37. BUT ABOVE ALL the most important lesson I’ve learnt is this - “I wholeheartedly accept myself exactly as I am”

And to end here is a little poem which I badly sing to myself before I speak at an event or walk into a ‘scary situation’.

“I am safe

I am beautiful 

I am loved 

I am free 

I don’t need to be like them

I just need to be like me!”

*I’ve been working with and learning from Donna Lancaster for the last 4 years, I really recommend her book The Bridge.  I’ll be interviewing her in my “community column” soon where I ask guest speakers, experts and friends lots of questions on behalf of us all. I will always have free newsletters to share with you every month but you’ll need to be a PAID SUBSCRIBER to read the special “community columns’.

I’d love to hear your life (so far) lessons, please share in the comments.